Siberia
by HELENz
Summary: Set in 7th year Flashbacks from 6th year. Draco's POV. Written before HBP came out! Hermione has broken up with Draco. Draco is looking back on the day they broke up and their relationship before that. CAUTION: Contains self mutilation!


**When you come back I won't be here  
****She said and gently pulled me near  
****If you want to talk you can call  
****And no it's not your fault**

My name is Draco Malfoy and it's December 22nd. I am in my seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It's been an eventful school year. Where to begin, I have no idea. Maybe I'll just start by telling you about my recent breakup with my girlfriend that took place over three weeks ago. Her name was Hermione. Hermione Granger. I remember our breakup very well.

**- Flashback -  
****I was sitting on the couch in the Room of Requirement reading the _Daily Prophet_. I was waiting for Hermione, of whom I had a date with. Little did I know this would be our last date.**

**She came into the room looking sad.**

**I said, "Hey, honey. What's wrong?"**

**She replied, "We need to talk?"**

**Those worlds hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been in enough failed relationships to know that the words 'we need to talk' never meant anything good.**

**She continued, "I think we should just be friends."**

**I couldn't say anything. I had suspected she might say that, but it was still speechlessness rendering. Finally after a couple of minutes, I found my voice and asked, "What? Why?"**

**"I don't think we're meant to be. I think we're better off as friends."**

**"You're in love with someone else, aren't you?"**

**"Yes," she answered simply.**

**"Who?" I asked.**

**"Ron Weasley."**

**"Oh."**

**"We can still be friends, Draco."**

**"Yeah, I'd like that."  
****- End Flashback -**

**I just smiled and said let go of me  
****But there's something that I've just gotta know  
****Did someone else steal my part?  
****She said it's not my fault**

Two days after our breakup, she began dating Ron. It hurt me to know she had moved on already. I hadn't. I was (and am) still in love with her. I have no interest in anyone else right now. I guess it makes sense that she moved on so quickly, since she was the one who decided we should just be friends, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. She was the first person who truly cared about me, besides my mother, who was killed last summer when she and I decided to abandon our following of Voldemort, and fight him. Hermione had been the first person I could trust. The first person I could tell and show who I truly was. I didn't have to hide behind a mask. I didn't have to hide my true personality and be the hateful person I seemed to everyone. I could tell her things about my father and the horrible things that he had done and my true feelings about it.

**Then my heart did time in Siberia  
****Was waiting for the lie to come true  
****'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious  
****When the one you want doesn't want you too**

When I decided to abandon Voldemort, those people who I had treated horribly in the past (mainly Ron, Hermione, Harry and their friends in Gryffindor) didn't seem odd or strange anymore. They just seemed like normal people. We are all on the same side of the war against Voldemort now, and I can see that my hatred of them wasn't caused by who they were or how they acted towards me. They didn't hate me because of who I was or how I acted towards them. I don't even think they even hated me. I don't think they really hated anyone, with the exception of Voldemort. I realized this was true after an incident that pretty much started Hermione's and I's friendship and later relationship...

**- Flashback -  
****I was sitting in a corner of the Prefect's bathroom. I had a blade in my right hand. I raised the blade to my left arm and made a small cut, like I had done so many times before. I can't even remember how many times I had come down here to think and to be alone. Not that I didn't feel alone already. Since my mother and I had joined the good side, the Slytherins now hated me and said nothing to me or gave me dirty looks. Those who were on the good side were very wary of me. They still didn't trust me that much.**

**I don't even remember how many cuts I made on my arm. What I do remember is how much relief I felt when I cut. It helped to numb the pain I had been feeling since my mother died.**

**All of a sudden, I heard the door open. In surprise, I dropped the blade I was holding. I tried to stand up to see who it was, but because of the blood loss that had occurred due to the numerous cuts on my arm, I fell back down.**

**The person heard me fall and walked towards me.**

**"Hello," she said. I realized who it was when I heard her voice. It was Hermione. Hermione Granger. The girl I had made fun of throughout the time we were at school together. "I heard you fall against the wall. Are you okay?"**

**"Umm... yeah. I'm fine," I lied. I really wasn't fine. I felt dizzy, and my arm was still bleeding due to the cuts on it.**

**"You sure?" she asked.**

**"Yes!" I replied, irritatedly. Gosh, she was annoying. Didn't she realize from the tone of my voice that I didn't want to talk to her? Why couldn't she just mind her own business?**

**She kept walking towards me. When she was really close to me (about a foot away, since it was relatively dark in the room), she could see my arm, which was still bleeding, so she asked "What happened to your arm?"**

**I immediately shot back with, "Why do you care?"**

**"I don't know actually. Why don't you just answer the question? Why is your arm bleeding?"**

**"Wouldn't you like to know?" I said, getting annoyed. Why couldn't she just mind her own business, like she usually did? Did she have to ask me a bunch of questions? I think I made it quite clear that I did not want to talk to her. I grabbed the blade that I had been using earlier, and stood up slowly. By then, I had become less dizzy so I could actually stand up.**

**"Draco, look. I know you have been going through a really,really difficult time lately, but –" Hermione began.**

**"How the heck do you even have a clue what I'm going through? How the heck do you know what it's like to lose a parent? You don't know! I do. I've lost my mother, and she was the only one of my parents who loved and cared about me. My father couldn't have cared less about me! To him, I was just a person who happened to be his son. I was supposed to be exactly what he wanted me to be, and if I decided to go against his wishes, he didn't know me and I wasn't his son!"**

**"Look, I'm sorry about what happened to your mother. It's horrible that she died, especially since she really did care about you. But the way you're dealing with her death -"**

**"Isn't the way I should be dealing with it, right? That is what you were going to say, is it not?"**

**"Yes, that is what I was going to say."**

**"Again, I will ask you. Why do you care? Why don't you shut up, stop asking me questions and go away? Why don't you just ignore me like you usually do?"**

**"I don't know. Maybe I just don't like seeing someone doing what you're doing. I understand why, but what you're doing isn't the best thing. It isn't going to solve anything. You need to talk to someone, Draco."**

**"Who? The people I used to be friends with? They wouldn't understand at all what I'm going through. They also hate me, because I have decided to fight against Voldemort. All of your friends, my so-called allies, who I'm supposed to fight against Voldemort with, don't trust me. They don't truly believe I've changed sides. How would I ever talk to them? They won't even talk to me. Nobody in this school will talk to me for some reason or another. There's no one who I could talk to."**

**"You can talk to me! I'll listen."**

**"I'll keep that in mind, then," I said, halfheartedly. I then left the room.  
****- End Flashback - **

**I was drifting in between  
****Like I was on the outside looking in, yeah yeah  
****In my dreams you are still here  
****Like you've always been**

**- Flashback -  
****About a week later, I decided to take Hermione up on her offer to talk. I sent her a letter:**

_**Dear Hermione,  
**__**I thought about what you said, and maybe it would do me good to talk to someone. Write me back if your offer to talk still stands.  
**__**Sincerely,  
**__**Draco Malfoy**_

**Oh yeah, my heart did time in Siberia  
****Was waiting for the lie to come true  
****'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious  
****When the one you want doesn't want you too**

**About a hour later, I got a letter back from Hermione:**

_**Dear Draco,  
**__**Yes, the offer to talk still stands. Where would you like to meet?  
**__**Hermione**_

**I wrote back:**

_**Hermione,  
**__**I think that Room of Requirement would be the best place to meet. It's quiet and nobody will find out.  
**__**Draco**_

**I gave myself away completely  
****But you just couldn't see me  
****Though I was sleeping in your bed  
****'Cause someone else was on your mind  
****In your head**

**I got a reply back:**

_**Draco,  
**__**That sounds like a good place to meet! How about we meet there at 8:00 on Wednesday?  
**__**Hermione**_

**I sent a reply back. It was the final letter in setting up our meeting. It simply said:**

_**Hermione,  
**__**That sound like a good time to meet. See you there!  
**__**Draco**_

**- End Flashback -**

**When I came back, she wasn't there  
****Just a note left on the stairs  
****If you wanna talk, give me a call**

We did end up meeting that following Wednesday. We just talked. I don't even remember half of what we talked about or what was said. I just know that it was really nice to be able to talk to someone.

We kept meeting each Wednesday following that. Eventually, Hermione and I became friends. Not only did I share what was going on in my life, but she did too. Meeting with her also helped me to realize that I needed to quit cutting, and eventually it helped me to quit cutting.

During the time we were friends, I also began to fall for Hermione. I told her this, and to my surprise she had the same feelings. We went on our first date a week later.

**My heart did time in Siberia  
****Was waiting for the lie to come true  
****'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious  
****When the one you want doesn't want you too  
****When the one that you want doesn't want you too**

It's not like nobody knew about me and Hermione. Pretty much everyone knew about our friendship and later relationship. We didn't try to hide it.

We continued to date until the breakup which was quite a shock for me. We had been getting along perfectly wonderfully the week before, so when Hermione broke up with me, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It really was that much of a shock.

**My heart did time in Siberia  
****Was waiting for the lie to come true  
****'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious  
****When the one you want doesn't want you too  
****Siberia, Siberia  
****When the one you want doesn't want you too**

Looking back on our relationship, I realize that maybe we weren't meant for each other. I just wish our friendship hadn't ended because of the way our relationship ended. I truly still do want to be friends with her. She was too good of a friend to lose. Either way, I wish her and Ron the best of luck in their relationship. I hope she's happy. As for me, I'll find someone new. I haven't just given up on love.

_**Lyrics: "Siberia" by The Backstreet Boys  
**_

**THE END**


End file.
